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National and Global, United States

Friday, February 26, 2010

Whither the maligned hot dog?

The American Academy of Pediatrics has decided that if you are under 7 and attempt to buy a hot dog...YOU will be 'carded'!

The menacing, All-American hot dog is out to get our children, says the American Academy of Pediatrics, noting that hot dogs cause 17 percent of the fatal, food-related choking incidents suffered by toddlers. The other 83% is from hamburgers, stale granola bars, Pizza Hut pizza, pomegranate seeds,  and BBQ'd Tofu.

While the Academy is craving a safer, new hot dog design that's less likely to lodge in childrens' throats, The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council is counseling reason, as they usually do, when it comes to this subject.

Many hot dog packages, it says, already feature warning labels and, besides, there are simpler solutions. Yea, I didn't know that there was actually a "hot dog and sausage council" either. Apparently, there is. And what small child is reading the 'warning label"? Not mine. They can't read!

Solutions:
You could cut it up before your kid eats it!
You could just eat it yourself.
You could order a salad or milk toast.
Or... some tofu shaped like a hot dog!

What will happen to the famous Dodger Dog or Nathan's Famous? Ball Park Franks? Will they become a distant memory? A by-gone era of rolls and big hot dogs.  Will they too have to 'down size'? Will "Hebrew National" still remain kosher?

Proposed new Warning label: "Don't eat this stuff if you don't have a big mouth!"

Whither the maligned hot dog?

1 comment:

  1. Haha I like the label!
    Whatever happened to just monitoring your children while they eat? Children can choke on may foods if the item is not cut up properly, or the child isn't sitting down while eating, or any of a zillion other reasons! Parents who are afraid to give their small kids grapes because the skin is hard to swallow either take the skin off or just don't give their small children grapes. Does that mean they should redesign the grape? What is a ballgame without a good hot dog! I sure hope they don't change!

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