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National and Global, United States

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Hawaiian Overtures

For better or worse, I've spent sometime  in Hawaii (Kauai). There are some things I've learned that I will secretly share with you.

My macro observation is that Arizona and Kauai share similar major issues. Good jobs are scare. There is little 'sense of community' due to a transient population; too many part-time wealthy people, who remain greedy and isolated; a mostly poor native population, and low wages with no benefits. There is also a certain hedonistic undertone, which perplexes me frankly.
Other then that, there is some humor in all of this:

The residents have recently learned that cilantro is the same as Chinese parsley.

I ran into one "Gandhi wanna be" who drove a Lexus. I am sure there are more. Go figure that mentality!

The residents know which market sells poi on which days.

No matter how you slice it: Poi is still Poi, whether I eat it in Hawaii or West Africa. Pass the organic pizza please and do not hold the pepperoni.

I met two guys with Phd's. They were both pretty dumb. Go figure.

Don't confuse the Hanalei Pier with the one in Santa Monica!

The state bird is still the mosquito.

Nude beaches should have signs. And I'll take my camera if I want to!

The words "Awesome, Dude, 'you got it' 'right-on', organic, sustainable", are totally overused. For some, it's their only vocabulary, from what I could ascertain.

Everyone is into 'organic and sustainable" living, but few actually know what it entails. Just sounds good in a group of dudes.

Wealthy people from the mainland move to the island and in one week, they are 'healers' or yoga experts. They say, 'that's how we give back to the community'.

They can handle shoyu with green mango, li hing mui gummy bears, raw egg on hot rice, and pearl tea (carnation milk in hot water with sugar) with creme crackers.

The condiments at the table are shoyu, ketchup, chili peppah watah, and kimchee. Also, takuwan, Hawaiian salt, slice onion, and pickle onion.

They go to Maui and their luggage home includes potato chips, manju, cream puffs, and guri guri for omiyage.

A balanced meal has three starches: rice, macaroni, and bread.

They know 101 ways to fix their rubber slippers -- 50 using tape, 50 using glue, and one using a stick to poke the strap back in.

They sometimes use their open car door for a dressing room.

They wear two different color slippers together and they don't mind.

Nice clothes means a T-shirt without puka.

They are barefoot in most of their pictures.

They have a slipper tan.

Their only suit is a bathing suit.

They drive barefoot.

They have at least five Hawaiian bracelets.

They never ever, under any circumstances, wear socks with slippers, or an aloha shirt that matches their wife's muumuu.

They say "I going go for lawnmower da grass" when they mean "I'm going to mow the lawn."

Someone in the family named Boy, Tita, Bruddah, Sonny, Bachan, Taitai, Popo, or Vovo.

They still chant "Hanaokolele" when a friend or co-worker goofs up.

They say "Shtraight," "Shtreet," and "Shtress."

The "Shaka" and the "Stink Eye" are worth a thousand words.

They let other cars ahead of them on the road and they give shaka to everyone who lets them in. (And get mad if someone they let in doesn't say thanks.)

They park junk cars on their lawns and for some reason, watch Television in their garage.

Their philosophy is "Bumbai."

They would rather drag out the compressor and fill that leaking tire every single morning than have it fixed.

The only time they honk their horn is once a year during the safety check.

Owns two types of slippers: da "good slippas" and da "buss-up/stay home slippas."

The resident do not understand the concept of North, South, East, and West, but instead gives directions such as Mile Marker 7, The Safeway, turn off to the lighthouse, and uses landmarks instead of street names.

They take off their slippahs before going into the house.

When it's done, they say "pau!"

They would rather drive an 'island cruiser' then a Mercedes Benz.

When the 'surf is up' nobody goes to work.

There are only two sports: surfing and Frisbee.

AHI Tuna shows up in just about everything you eat

Business meeting never happen on time

The Hawaiian handshake is way too complicated

You need to take at least two showers a day

The pay stinks, but they offer you a plantation shack for 50% off

There is no such thing as a IRS W-2. It's either 1099 or under-the-table.

Forget about any employer-sponsored health insurance or 401K

There is an overabundance of 'meta-physical' types who look at you strangely.

As on the mainland, a business 'handshake' is by no means a 'contract'

Too many people who relo want to look like Gandhi.

If I get one more picture of an isolated beach, I will need to send pics of isolated desert.

For as long as you live there, you are forced to drive on one road, and one road only. And it 'dead-ends' at both ends.

Other then that, in Kauai, the weather is great, the men are good-looking, the women are smart, and all the kids are above average. What else could you ask for?

Some Thinkers